Twenty Shipping Drabbles
by SnorkackCatcher
Summary: Twenty unrelated drabbles about some rather rare pairings. Characters not named as a challenge, list given at the end!


**Notes:** Inspired by metafrantic's Great Harry Potter Drabble Challenge comm on Livejournal and my earlier Twenty Sibling Drabbles collection from a year ago. The protagonists aren't named as a challenge to the reader, but hopefully it should be possible to work out the POVs and settings! (There's a list at the end for reference.)

The original idea with this was to write pairings that no-one had done before – which proved to be something of a challenge. I mean, at one point I had Dennis Creevey/Gabrielle Delacour in mind, but then discovered inadvertently that it was on its third or fourth thread in the FAP shipping forums! So here it's toned down to twenty ships that I can't remember seeing elsewhere, although some of them are so 'obvious' that I'm sure they've been done somewhere. Het, slash, femmeslash, interspecies – oh, and crack. Much crack. One or two are perhaps a trifle sneaky, but …

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

1.

"You're not just looking for someone like your ex?" She didn't care how cute he was, she had her suspicions.

"No! You're nothing like her," he said huskily. "All she does is read books. You play Quidditch …"

"And you used to yell at me about it."

"Yeah, well … she got me mad with her about _everything_. You don't."

"I don't? You _did_ punch me in the mouth once," she reminded him mischievously.

He turned crimson, then grinned. "Accident, remember? But just in case there's any damage left –" he moved closer "– I think I'm going to have to kiss it better ..."

-----

2.

"It's come to my attention that you don't always agree with me." As he said that, he slipped the robes from the younger man's shoulders, caressing the length of his body.

His student made a visible effort to keep his face a mask. "I find that there are more effective ways to carry out certain procedures than the ones given in your book."

He nodded, and removed – well, ripped off – the young man's underpants (they were clearly old ones, anyway). "Well, you'll have to tell me if I go wrong now."

"_Ahhh_ … This time, I have no correction to make."

-----

3.

She pulled him on impulse; knowing she'd regret it later even as she invited him in, based on an evening's awkward dancing – too much Firewhisky – raging curiosity about what the _rest_ of him looked like – night classes playing havoc with your sex life – his declared younger-man school crush on her … (_What?_ She'd always imagined him as much older.)

She'd never expected he'd feel safe enough to stay the night – but really, was it necessary for him to bolt _immediately_ afterwards, with a look at his watch and panic in his eyes, as if he had to do something else urgently?

-----

4.

It was one of those odd attractions formed during the war – a chance meeting in Morton's Magical Millinery revealing a shared fondness for exotic headgear, leading on to friendship, and then to a realisation that there was something more than just mutual sartorial appreciation at work; the original basis for their relationship just flashes of lime and purple on a bedroom floor.

It was a great sadness to them when the war broke out again, and they found themselves on opposite sides for a while. But both agreed – they were never likely to meet anyone _else_ with such exquisite taste.

-----

5.

"How's yeh feller?"

"He isn't," she said shortly. "I finally got fed up listening to him say he was too ... oh, whatever it was this week. What about _your_ lady love?"

"She isn' either. Too far apar' to work. Don' know where I'm gonna find another one like her," he added mournfully. "We, er, matched, didn' we?"

She looked at him appraisingly, grinned, then suddenly _grew_ until their eyes were level. His widened.

"Yeh musta realised yeh clothes's rip ter shreds when yeh did that ..."

"Yep. Give you any ideas? How could I resist a man with that colour umbrella?"

-----

6.

When she was chosen for the job, her predecessor said it was one of the perks. She didn't believe them – why had she never heard about it before? – but they assured her it was true; a privilege of rank, something he didn't do for just _anyone_.

So she swum to the indicated spot and waited in growing annoyance, gazing through the grey gloom. Then she saw him approach, a huge dark shape, and suddenly _felt_ the multiple gentle caresses send shivers all over her body.

She wriggled round to let him get a better grip, touched by his noodly appendages …

-----

7.

It was ironic. He'd never been someone she – or anyone – had noticed. The first time she _did_, it was only his arse sticking up in the air. It _definitely_ looked big in those robes.

She'd never have believed what a year's growth could do, but the first time she saw him since he'd answered Harry Potter's call, his arse caught her attention again. She wolf-whistled.

When he turned around, the grin on his face suggested a boy now at ease with himself. _Most_ interesting. _Now_ she noticed him, and fully intended to make him notice _her_ over the next year …

-----

8.

She would never have believed it could work; but for two strange and damaged people – well, creatures – oh, whatever – both suffering from the effects of addiction to the demon drink, it made a weird sort of sense. The one desperate for someone to offer a form of service to, the other needing someone who would never mock her pronouncements, who would believe everything she said on principle – neither of them any more caring overmuch about outward appearances, or what others might think.

Their relationship was not something she had predicted. But sometimes the Inner Eye does not see on command.

-----

9.

Their snog ended abruptly as someone pulled him roughly away; he could see burgeoning realisation in Ginger's eyes, and knew she wouldn't have done it if they hadn't both been thoroughly pissed when he bumped into her. She'd been muttering some other man's name anyway.

He gulped as she fumbled in her dress looking for that ... _thing_ he'd felt while groping her, and sobered rapidly. As he turned he saw a flash of blonde hair, recognised his girlfriend, and whimpered when he saw the look on her face.

At that moment, he wasn't sure which sister terrified him the most.

-----

10.

He moved surprisingly fast for a man of his age and weight as soon as he heard the sound of the eavesdropper, the hex catching the rapidly retreating figure as it ducked between the greenhouses. He smiled smugly. It would take effect as soon as they told anyone what they'd seen, not otherwise. Very appropriate.

Verdana was looking at him strangely. He sighed. "Best they don't see us kissing, my dear," he explained. "Or we might both have to resign."

"It's not against the rules for teachers!"

"It's frowned upon. Especially with someone who was my protégé forty years ago."

-----

11.

Albus told her the news personally, at the hospital. He knew they'd been teenage sweethearts – until the boy became obsessed with cold, smooth, handsome Tom Riddle, far more than _she_ ever was.

Yes, she'd thought of him occasionally, as years passed with neither wed, but put those thoughts aside when he finally married. Nevertheless, after his wife's unexpected death, she couldn't suppress a faint hope that they still just _might_ have a chance together – as long as there was no truth in what they said of him.

With the news from the Department of Mysteries, she finally abandoned that hope.

-----

12.

As he initialled a stack of memos, his thoughts kept straying to his lover (a very discreet affair that the papers hadn't found out about, luckily). He _hated_ what they'd done to him – subjected to who-knew-what 'medical' procedures at that so-called hospital of theirs, his mind left raving and murderous after he'd been cursed by those ... _others_.

A sudden disquieting thought hit him; _what if they chose him for the curse in order to get close enough to assassinate _me

Perhaps, on the whole, it might have been better _not_ to show favouritism by promoting him in the first place ...

-----

13.

He smiled as they posed for the cameras, his new bride gazing up at him in starry-eyed adoration – as well she should, considering she had just secured a husband with looks, money, and pure blood.

Naturally, it was a good match for him too – or else he would never have offered to marry her. She was pretty enough in her own way, had perfectly acceptable lineage, and of course she was a heiress – one day, she would inherit all those apothecaries. And after that – well, he would decide then whether or not to keep her around.

Like mother, like son.

-----

14.

It took them a lot of searching, but they finally found a disused room on the fifth floor of the castle. It contained a few battered desks – but more importantly, a big portrait of a meadow. _Perfect_. They settled down towards the back where no-one would be likely to see them if they _did_ come in.

He moaned as her hands roamed over him. "That's _good_ … Where did you learn to do _that_?"

"I used to work at St Mungo's, remember?" she told him, with a mischievous grin. "Healer's hands. So I only hope _you_ live up to your name ..."

-----

15.

Gurg always got what he wanted. That was the rule.

Supposed to be _giantesses_, though. But Gurg wanted _him_, and that was good – never told anyone, but he wanted Gurg too. They met in caves, no-one supposed to know. Not good for Gurg with tribe if they knew.

Others bullied him for being little, but he grinned where they couldn't see. _Gurg_ liked it. He had something they didn't.

Then bad night, and worse morning – Gurg's head in lake, and he ran from new Gurg.

Soon thought better of it. Wanted revenge. Should _never_ have let brother take him away.

-----

16.

It was her _voice_ that got to him, he told her – "You charmed the heart right out of me!"

She smiled wistfully, but kept refusing him.

One day, he asked, "Why do you keep turning me down, when I know you care?"

"How can I know it's _real_?" she replied, surprising him. "Not one of your 'magical drafts and potions'?"

"I would _never_ do that!" he cried. "But kiss me, and I'll brew you a cauldron full of hot, strong love!"

Her eyes took on a distant look, then incredibly, she did kiss him. "You know, darling, you inspire me ..."

-----

17.

"It was very kind of Viktor to make it possible for us to meet, wasn't it?"

He shook his head, gasping as her hands fumbled inside his robes. "Karkaroff – _ah_ – vill allow only _him_ to meet vith Hogwarts girls, not – _ah!_ – us. But Viktor, how you say, Seeks Snitch flying other way? So I asked him – _oh!_ – to talk vith you in library, invite you to Ball so ve could dance together, yes? _Yes!_ Good camouflage for all of us – _Ahhh!_"

"I see." She giggled. "Oh look, you've spilt something all down the front of your robes again. Disgusting boy!"

-----

18.

He picked his moment to approach her; they were the last two left in the changing-rooms after a closely-fought victory over Hungary, and she was busy packing her kit. She whirled round angrily as his arm encircled her waist, then grinned as she recognised the look in his eye for what it was.

"Taking a risk, aren't you?" she said, glancing with ill-concealed interest at his lips. "You do know I knocked the last man to try it on after a match out cold?"

He grinned back. "I'll take my chances, look you. I always did like to live dangerously."

-----

19.

They called her a batty old witch, which was unfair – well, a bit batty, but not _that_ old, it was just the way she dressed, and her pack of strays. Scrubbed up, she wasn't half bad.

Actually … no, she _was_ a bit of a dog herself. But then, so was he! And she didn't read the paper, or talk to neighbours, so when a man just couldn't take another night sleeping on stone, she looked pretty good ...

He was glad he'd stayed with her as a man, not a dog. And hey, now she _really_ lived up to her nickname!

-----

20.

As he donned his wedding robes, he grinned. To judge from the gossip columns, he was taking on a task more dangerous than ever before. But if the worst came to the worst and they were right, he _did_ have more experience with breaking curses and fighting dangerous madwomen than his predecessors.

Anyway, he fitted right in. Henri, Hank, Enzo (the only one of her unions that had been blessed), Heinrich, Enrique, Henning ... well, and Alan, but ironically enough it had been his surname ... He found himself humming an old Sixties song as he stepped out to meet his bride.

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**The list:**

1. Ron / Demelza

2. Snape / Libatius Borage

3. Professor Sinistra / Barty Crouch Jnr (as 'Moody')

4. Cornelius Fudge / Dedalus Diggle

5. Hagrid / Tonks

6. Giant Squid / Merchieftainess Murcus (Oh come on, I had to include a Squidship, didn't I? At least with this one they come from the same element. Theirloveissoaquatic)

7. Neville / Romilda

8. Trelawney / Winky

9. Vernon / Lily

10. Slughorn / Professor Verdana Florence, Herbology teacher before Sprout (What do you mean, non-canon? It's as good an interpretation of 'I saw him kissing Florence behind the greenhouses' as anyone else's, right:D)

11. McGonagall / Nott Snr

12. Prime Minister / Herbert Chorley

13. Blaise Zabini / Melinda Bobbin

14. Everard / Dilys Derwent (as portraits)

15. Golgomath / Grawp

16. Celestina Warbeck / Arsenius Jigger

17. Hermione / Poliakoff

18. 'Dangerous' Dai Llewellyn / Gwendolyn Morgan

19. Sirius / Mopsy the dog lover (see the list of cut characters on JKR's site)

20. Harry / Mrs Zabini (the song being _I'm Henry the Eighth, I Am_, the names being variants)


End file.
